I’m in Fourth Grade. All winter I’ve had to wear this ugly, faded, oversized dark green and blue hoodie. As with most of my clothes, I wish I could tell you where it came from – probably a hand-me-down that even my unfashionable teenage brothers refused. It’s the only item of clothing I have that
Continue reading Katie and the Harrowing Escape from the Hoodie of Social Doom
As a fifth grader, we are privileged to help out around the school as a Hall Monitor. And if you’re thinking, “Oh, this is going to go exactly like that SpongeBob episode where he gets assigned as Hall Monitor and all the power goes to his head.” Well then, yes, I’m an inspiration to many.
Why can you dedicate a book to someone, but that’s it? I’m not an author, so what work of mine can I dedicate to someone? This mediocre pasta night is dedicated to my sister. This email thread is dedicated to my grandma. Maybe that should be my signature… And what are the rules for dedicating
This is the second time this year this Real Estate Company texted me thinking I was “Tori”. I politely corrected them the first time. But on their second offense, they get what’s comin’ to them…(cracks knuckles, pops neck)…a light-hearted joke.
1999. I’m nine years old. I own the ugliest bike helmet I’ve ever laid eyes on. It is SO SO bad. I think someone sawed a bowling ball in half, added a buckle, and called it a helmet. Picture this: A scrawny kid with a GIANT head of long, thick hair, all stuffed into an
It’s 2001. I’m in sixth grade. In my city, for the last several decades, the 11-year olds from across the county get bussed to a sixth-grade-only school. It’s brilliant. We don’t have to cower to the older grades oppression, but we’re free to shed our naive elementary-school reputations. It’s a little pubescent launchpad where we
Continue reading The Complexities of the 6th Grade Social Society
Neither Justin or I had ever been successful at transferring sleeping baby William from the car to the house. So having him fall asleep on a drive isn’t exactly an ideal circumstance. We are in a bit of a panic as such a task weighs heavily on the stress-level of young parents. But this time it’s
Grade 7, Day one. After school, my younger siblings and I grab a snack and head to the basement excited to share our stories of our first day. I tell them about band class and start talking about the teacher, exclaiming, “Oh it was funny, Ms. Rhodes was all–“ –and then a demon flies into
Continue reading The First Day of School Recap That Nearly Killed Me
According to science, Fritos Honey BBQ Twists are the tastiest processed corn product available. At the end of this article, I’ll teach you how to incorporate more of these bad boys into your diet. But first we have to answer a few key questions. Do We Need It? Processed Corn is made up of two good things. Processed
I love random facts posts. I found out last year on a mountain trip following a beach trip that mountains win. It’s quieter and less sand gets kicked into my Cheetos. My favorite dessert of all time are “$0.89 box brownies à la mode.” Which would make a hilarious menu item title. I copy-pasted that à because
